...he kitchen all drunk and swaying from side to side)
Peter: Dadadaaaaa! Dadadaaaa! Oh Danny Boy! The pipes, the pipes are calling.
Stewie: Why hello enibriated fat man. Oh wait, it's father who I'm supposed to emulate.
Lois: Oh my God. Peter! You're drunk!
Peter: Why Lois, it seems I am. Dahehehehehe. Why don't you sober me up a little. Let's go upstairs.
Lois: Peter! Not on the dinner table.
Peter: So would you prefer the couch?
Lois: Brian, take the kids upstairs. I'll deal with Peter.
(Brian motions Chris and Megan out of the kitchen, but when he tries to get Stewie, Stewie shoos him away from him)
Stewie: Don't touch me, you lousy excuse for a terrier. I want to see the fat man get it.
Brian: Come here.
Stewie: I say! Unhand me, cur!
(Brian leaves with Stewie)
Louise: What the hell, Peter! You can't just come in here drunk like Scottish men on St. Patrick's Day!
(Scene moves to Scottish men barging into a home)
Scotsman #1: Blimey, O'Brien! That wos' one hell offa fight down at Scotties, hey?!
Scotsman #2: Aiye! Who knew Scotties wife had a fookin' mean right hook.
Both men: HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE!
(One of the Scotsmen's wife stands up)
Wife: Look at yeh two! You have no righ' bargin' in here drunk like an American o' Independence Day cousin' in front of the kids, O'Hair.
O'Hair: Oh shet up, you old croon. Befur I hang ye' on ye' legs an' beat ye' like a penia...